He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
