If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
