marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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