I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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