Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
