Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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