I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
