DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
