yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
this boner is exhausting
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
