all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
