Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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