I wish I only lived at night.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
