My cat gives me a boner
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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