PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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