Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize