Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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