Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Randomize
