your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I am available for nakedness
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize