I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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