i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
