i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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