Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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