I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
