Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just had sex on a roof
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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