broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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