If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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