i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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