well you can't waste a boner
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
