coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
