but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
