Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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