i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
