who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
