I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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