remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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