I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
