Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
