Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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