found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
