A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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