Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
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i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
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I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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