I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My vagina is officially offended.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
