her vagine was all disorganized.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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