had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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