Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
