Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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