Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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