So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
