I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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