The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
