I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
