Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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