just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
