Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
