Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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