Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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