The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Randomize
