who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
