I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
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I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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