Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
