I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
