yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
